The RVB BSG Threaders: Requiem for a Viper Pilot
by Dashiva
Summary: A nice piece about vengeance, plot holes and inconsistencies.


**When he remade the series, he thought he could do anything…**

**He thought he could kill off a central character…**

**He thought he could get away with it…**

**HE WAS WRONG**

**The RVB BSG Threaders:**

**Requiem for a Viper Pilot**

**(a.k.a. RDM Must Die)**

**By Chris Comerford**

The instant Starbuck's Viper exploded, Veela went into shock. Her muscles seized up, her fists clenched into tight balls of anger, her face furrowed in a deep expression of intense sadness. Her favourite character in Battlestar Galactica – one of the main reasons she watched the show – **was dead**.

Kara Thrace was really dead.

Almost immediately she got up from in front of her TV and hopped onto the Internet. Automatically she entered the web address for Red vs Blue, and, after signing into her profile, she jumped into the BSG forum thread.

It appeared that she wasn't the only one feeling grief over the loss of Starbuck; syrix2 was contemplating suicide, datalaughing was attempting to calm everyone down, demiurge was creating hate-images against Ronald D Moore, the creator of the remade series, and everyone was just angry and confused. Why had the bastard created this fantastic and likeable character, then just killed her off like some common redshirt? This didn't make sense.

Filled with more rage than Anakin Skywalker in Episode 3, Veela began plotting.

Doing their best to remain calm Drums888 and Jedicab, both in the same house having just watched the latest Battlestar Galactica episode, slowly got up and got onto the same computer. Drums888 had donned his Commander's uniform as a mark of respect for Starbuck, and Jedicab had gone through three boxes of tissues in the last five minutes.

"That RDM is such a godsdamn tool," Drums was saying, whilst typing in his user ID and password on RVB.

Jedicab nodded, still sobbing. "She was so awesome…I've lost the will to watch this series…Goddammit…"

Drums was logged in, and immediately went to the BSG thread to vent his pent-up rage. It appeared almost everyone else had beat him to the punch, with hate images, slow-mo captures of her death and death threats against RDM running rampant through the multitude of replies to the topic. The general gist was that everyone was deeply angry, and wanting revenge.

Then Drums came across a post by Veela that caught his eye. Drums knew she was a seasoned BSG veteran and a hardcore Starbuck fan; she wasn't going to take this well at all. He read the post, and was stunned at what he saw there.

"_Enough is enough. RDM's been killing off main characters since Season 2, and it's stupid. We need to stop this, before more innocent and great characters are killed. Ladies and gentlemen, I propose, in order to exact vengeance for the death Starbuck, that we travel to Vancouver and destroy every trace of RDM. Who's with me?"_

Jedicab read the post too, and was so stunned he stopped crying. "You think she's serious?"

Drums fixed him with an incredulous expression. "You kidding? Her favourite character was just killed, I don't blame her. Wouldn't you be doing the same if they permanently killed off Number Six?"

Jedicab turned away and nodded sheepishly. "Yes…"

Drums nodded. "Good. Then I say we help her, and take this bastard down."

Finally regaining what was left of his manly composure, Jedicab nodded. "I'll go fire up the Jedimobile."

Drums fixed him with a 'you're-being-a-tool-again'-type expression. "You mean your dad's Pontiac?"

For the second time, Jedicab nodded sheepishly. "Yeah, my dad's Pontiac. Come on, let's go."

Even though he lived thousands of kilometres away from the other major BSG fans in America, Dashiva was still able to watch Battlestar Galactica in two ways. The first, and more preferable, way was to download it through haxxing clients, watching it in full HD glory on his computer. When that was taking too long, Dashiva tried the second way – using Youtube. He had only done it for this last episode, but it had been worth it – he could now return to RVB without fear of spoilers, and he could also vent his rage to RDM to the others.

When he finally got onto the thread after watching the end of the episode he saw pretty much everything that was listed on the previous page of this story – death threats, slo-mo captures and whatnot. He was very glad to see he wasn't the only one who now hated RDM for killing Starbuck.

He finally scrolled down to Veela's post, and thought heavily about whether or not he should join in. He dearly wanted to exact sweet and destructive revenge on RDM for this blasphemy to BSG, but he also didn't want to be convicted of first-degree murder either. After approximately seventeen seconds of mental debating, he decided to join up.

He left a reply to Veela saying he was in, and walked outside. His captured Cylon Raider sat on the front lawn, ready to fly.

He took off into the night sky, ready for carnage.

Soon the four threaders met up outside the filming studios in Vancouver, all having gotten there through different transport methods. By far the coolest had been Veela's; a retro Galactica Viper from the originals 1970s show. They all planned what they were going to do, and how they were going to do it.

"We could just nuke the building," Drums suggested.

Dashiva shook his head. "Nah, too risky. We might take out Edward James Olmos that way."

Drums nodded. "Fair enough. How about we go in, Splinter Cell-style, and sneak over to his offices. Then we executes him with a big-ass sword, throw his decapitated corpse into a river, then all go out for a drink or two."

Veela grinned. "I like that plan, but on one condition; I get to deal the killing blow."

All three of the other threaders nodded – it seemed very apt.

Dashiva got into his Cylon Raider, then came back out with a multitude of guns, blades and explosives; it was enough ammo for a small army. He was now decked out in full combat gear. Veela had gone for a more traditional look, having donned a Galactica Marine's armour and weapons. Jedicab was dressed as a Bleach character with spiky yellow hair, and Drums was wearing his Commander's outfit whilst holding two large machine guns.

Veela took off the safety of her rifle. "Who ordered some ultimate fucking justice?"

They were ready to go.

In a blur of weapons and equipment, the four threaders ran off towards the filming studio, firing at the oncoming Moore-guards. The Moore-guards were tall robots that looked like Cylons, except they all had semi-automatic rifles attached to their arms and mortar launchers on their chests. The threaders managed to take them all out quickly, and were able to get in through the front door.

Where more Moore-guards were waiting for them.

Jedicab held up a hand, telling the others to stop. "I'll handle this."

He pulled out a massive katana, and in one sweeping strike he split all the Moore-guards in two. He beckoned to the others, and the four of them sprinted up the massive staircase to RDM's office.

On the way there they ran into a robotic copy of Tricia Helfer and Grace Park, each holding grenade launchers behind their backs. Drums calmly walked up to them, holding his machine guns…then offered them both his arms. They each took an arm, and were thrown backwards down the stairs by Drums's mighty arm-flex. The four threaders continued up the stairs/

Right near the top they found a robotic David Hasselhoff, who was in no way related to Battlestar Galactica whatsoever. Dashiva quickly gave him a headshot, and the four of them were on their way again.

They reached the front doors of RDM's office, and the three men broke down the door. RDM sat at a desk, trying to regain control of his now-destroyed Moore-guards. He raised his hands when the others entered.

"I'm sorry!" he cried. "I promise I'll never kill off another central character again! I'll bring Starbuck back! She didn't die! She's alive, you hear me? She's alive, dammit!" He fell to the ground, cowering before the threaders.

Veela strode up to him, unhooked a grenade from her belt, and shoved it so deep down RDM's throat he now had a larger bulge where his Adam's Apple had been. "Merry Christmas, asshole." She said, then ran off with the others.

The four threaders were at a safe distance from the building when the grenade finally exploded. The entire office was engulfed in flame, and the job was done. A sense of satisfaction came over the four threaders, knowing they'd now brought peace and justice to the BSG community. To add to that, the robotic copies of Tricia Helfer and Grace Park had both survived, and accompanied Drums and Jedicab to the local bar for a few drinks.

Veela took her retro Viper back to Oviedo, and Dashiva flew his Cylon Raider back home to Atlantis Australia. All seemed to be well with the world now, even though this story of plot holes and inconsistencies had taken place.

Now remained the ultimate question: who was going to create new episodes?

**The End?**


End file.
